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July 8, 2005

Act II: Revenge of the Internets

After work the other day, I rode my chococar over to the Motophoto™ to attempt the next part of the mission. The 2x2 photographs needed for Rank P. I was a bit startled when I drive up and park.. walk up and see an outdoor sign reading: "We shoot pets and families". I thought to myself.... what sort of strange militia is taking passport photos? They are really branching out I guess.

I walk in. I was waiting for an AK47 pointing in my face and a scary man asking where my pet was so he could shoot it. To my surprise it was just a nice lady that smiled and asked if she could help me. (They obviously have good undercover assassins in there). I timidly ask if she could help me with my passport photos. She didn't "shoot" me, she just said heck yes she could help, c'mon back!

I walked behind the counter, stood there in front of the white sheet tacked to the wall. She told me I could not smile. I told her that's fairly close to impossible for me but I would do my best. I suppose when you smile you look different. That would mean that no person traveling looks happy? Well, that is a depressing thought. Thanks government.

Picture snapped, I wait 4 minutes and BAM... I was handed an envelope. I gave her my ten dollars and skipped out the shop. Now I'm thinking to myself... isn't this kind of thing supposed to be hard and painful? I must watch too much television or something.

That brings us up to today. After work today I had all my documents in hand.. all my I's dotted, T's crossed. I'm feeling good. Not scared at all. So it's off to the courthouse in the city. I've never been in a courthouse... I have just watched A LOT of Law and Order.

I found the correct building with my envelope of documents under my arm. I walk in and see a security check. I place my bag on the wee escalator, I walk through the metal detector and pass with flying colors. Luckily that shady photo lady didn't plant weapons on me. I asked what level I should go, they said "Two".

Elevator up. It's an old, intimidating building. I see the door with the "stupid american passport registration Here!" sign. I go in armed to the teeth with knowledge and documents. I decided against cupcakes since that could have been a bit over the top.

I hand the nice lady my papers. She promptly told me that this would not do.
Me: Oh, alright I will just go outside and die now... thanks!
Lady: Well, these off the internet have to be on a certain paper and this one you filled out will not pass through. You need to fill out a proper one.
Me: So why do they allow you to download the form? I think perhaps it's to make you have to fill the sucker out twice but I could be way off base here.
Lady: ......
Me: May I use your pen lady of doom?

I fill out the form a second time. I at least made sure my handwriting was a bit neater this time round. Second time is a charm right? I then gagged a bit as I wrote a check for $150 to get Rank P within seven days. If I do not get it.... I'm going to go back to that courthouse and sit there and stare at them until they do something. Oh yes. I will do it..... watch me.So, that is done. It's on it's way and I just need to check my mailbox every day until it arrives.

The elevator lands on the ground floor and I walk out with a weight lifted. It's done'ish. However, as I walk out the giant, copper doors.... I see signs telling me not to exit here. So, I walk to my left and go through a large set of decorated doors. This didn't look correct. I glance to my right looking for the escape route. A finely suited man approaches me and I ask him "Is this the way outside?"

He answers, "No, this is the way to go to jail!"

I reply with "I don't want to go this way! I'll go back that way and take my chances"

Yeah, I read the signs wrong and almost got my prints taken and the "book thrown at me" for being a dumbass. If it's not a crime, it should be.

Later today I went out to the travel agent lady "Debbie" who was incredibly helpful. See, I tried booking this trip online but apparently I don't know how to use the internet and it was impossible to do. I said fsck this shit.... dialed a travel agent lady. Turns out she got me a better rate than all those fancy expedia, orbitz, travelocity traps. Just because you CAN do things online, doesn't mean you should all the time.

I got my tickets.
I'll get my hug.
unless the government orcs hassle me in which I will curse them all to small pits of hell forever and ever.

I have hope.... and a headache :D

Moral of the story is... It's all fun and games until someone tries to get a passport. Let's not forget the soy incident and the destruction of a really fabulous shirt. I can't wear white with out weeping.

haha time for bed!

Posted by naku at July 8, 2005 10:02 PM

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Comments

Posted by: SnowBear at July 8, 2005 11:31 PM

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