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January 6, 2005
Teh Naku not always teh win..
Today I let something bother me that ordinarily I wouldn't bat a lash over. I pride myself on being reasonable, tough and most importantly, honorable. I'm troubled why something so petty and seemingly small would throw me off my game so much. I also am choosing this place to vent about it because I have no other outlet.
I wonder sometimes if people ignore things they don't want to see... or if I have a gift to see right through what people are trying to do. I'm thinking the latter. This may seem cryptic to anyone that so happens to read this, but hopefully will hit home to those that have a front row seat.
I have trouble trusting or seeing the good aspect of people when I know exactly what they are up to. I know it's human nature to hold a facade for show to gain what you want. An entire side of my family is filled with people that have been pulling this shit off for years. It doesn't fly with me. I just wish people would be honest with themselves and think about honor. Think about what is right.
Today... I was tested and I failed. At least I think I failed. My passive nature was really what was tested and my initial reaction was to pull myself away, assess the situation, deal with it honorably. That is what I always do yet... this time I felt hopeless in doing the right thing. Do I say I don't care? It doesn't bother me. Take that tough gangstah attitude I always do? Yeah that works... fsck it. Better everyone is happy and I go to bed staring at the ceiling par usual. What really sucks is that I would rather everyone else peaceful and me in turmoil. That's my curse... I'm fine with it.
I know this is cryptic... I can't help that. This is more for me that anyone else out there I'm sorry to say. I am just bothered with the human race today... for I know them better than they know themselves and it sucks. I wish I were an idiot sometimes... that I saw nothing but pretty things on TV, etc. I can't change what I am.. and I hope you know that. I can however shed light and maybe it will break through.
Now I go off to stare at the ceiling.
Love,
Naku
PS. shout out to mah man Mastah P for talkin to me and being the best friend evah... 0ne love hehe
And currrent home made naku mix playing is:
NAKU DRIVES HOME ALONE
1. Else - Built to Spill
2. Metarie - Brendan Benson
3. Silo Lullaby - Toad the Wet Sprocket
4. Careful Where you Stand - Coldplay
5. Everything you Need - Adem
6. Making Friends and Acuquaintances - Cursive
7. Keep What Ya God - Ian Brown
8. Wonderwall - Ryan Adams
9. Ruby Over Diamonds - Kashmir
10. Panda - Mew
11. Where I End and You Begin - Radiohead
12. Check the Meaning - Richard Ashcroft
13. Oscillate Wildly - The Smiths
14. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Squarepusher
15. No Sleep - Sam Roberts
Posted by naku at January 6, 2005 10:21 PM
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Comments
Confusing, but I think I know where you're coming from. The best thing you can do is either one, vent your frustrations through a safe outlet or two compress them into a tiny ball, until one day you can't anymore and go on rampage (I would suggest seeking a job as a postal worker if you go that route). Who knows, maybe you could just discuss it directly with who(plural pending) managed to make Teh Naku loose her cool. Well, good luck with sorting this stuff out (:
Posted by: Kold at January 7, 2005 12:47 AM
I'm not sure If I fully understood the entire post, but I'm gonna give a shot at commenting anyway.
Arr, I know that sometimes, It seems like people are just a bunch of idiots, who don't care for anyone but themselves. But then someone comes along who restores your faith in humanity (If you call that Faith).
Oh, and the word "Honor" can have alot of different meanings depending on how the person you speak to was raised and on him/hers viewpoint on Right/Wrong.
Oh crap, I'm just babbeling, I'm sorry. Take Care anyways.
Posted by: Haggen at January 7, 2005 6:26 AM
Cruel to be kind moment coming up...
I may have completely missed the point on this one but:
You have to remember, if they are your friends, they want you to be happy too. Stand up for yourself whilst thinking "This is what they would want me to do. They would not choose for me to go home and stare at the ceiling."
Most people want other people they care about to be happy. If they care about you they will understand if you assert yourself a little. If they don't care, then why are you trying not to hurt THEIR feelings.
Toughen up a bit - you don't have to stop being a nice person. And your friends would be devastated if they thought that you were getting upset because they were pressing their opinions/ideas/whatever...
Posted by: jf 
at January 7, 2005 7:47 AM
I dont think I can add anything that's been said already, but I thought I'd post a message in support anyway.
So consider this a message in support :)
Posted by: sharkdog@sugarshock.net at January 9, 2005 9:30 AM
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